insanity redefined

When you are gone

2012-01-15T08:13:00.000-08:00

When you are gone
I realize
When with you
I am in paradise
When you are gone
I miss
The warmth of your arms
And the touch of your lips
When you are gone
I hear
Memories of us
Speaking loud and clear
When you are gone
I see
Programs you like
Alone on tv
When you are gone
I feel
Everything loses its charm
Life becomes a drill
When you are gone
I understand
How good it feels
To just hold your hand

In your absence
The truth work of love becomes so clear
So please please come back soon to me, my dear

When...........

2012-01-08T12:30:00.000-08:00

When i taste something sweet

When i skip a silent beat

I wanna share it with you

When i kiss the morning sunshine

When i listen to music divine

I wanna share it with you

Our lives are now entwined

Our hearts are now enjoined

My dreams follow you everywhere

Oh sweet honey of mine!

When i hear wisdom speak

When humming birds squeak

I wanna share it with you

When I look into your eyes

When we spend loving nights

I realize I am one with you

let THE LIGHT shine through

2011-05-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in our life, in each and every one of our lives in fact, comes a time when we are weighed down by our troubles. Just troubles per say. But we make them very personal and "Our Troubles" they become.
When the burden of the body seems too heavy to carry around. When tears cloud the eyes and doubts cloud our judgments. Everyone’s problem maybe similar, maybe different. Maybe big, maybe small. Maybe simple, maybe hard. May have a solution, may have none. But for everyone the feeling is almost the same. To us our problem is really unique just as we are. Really important, just as we are. Really special, just as we are. It’s like someone else’s cancer doesn’t make my common cold and flu any less painful. Isn't it?

It is at these times when we most need the Divine. And we are begging for His intervention. And we wait and wait. For that Light to shine to through. But how could the Divine intervene when we ourselves are stopping Him from doing it. The Light is in us but the cloud cover of pain and doubt is so big, that we occasionally see a glimpse of a ray or two shining through. And then we blame Him when the fault is only ours. All the texts, all holy books, all great Masters always said that God is in us. But how do we really see Him? How do we really feel Him? What do we do now? Now when everything is so wrong, so wrong.

And really all we need is to......
Just sit back for a moment. A beautiful moment in time this is going to be. Close those ever fluttering eyes lids. Shut that ever roaming mind. Silence those ever screaming noises. And.....and let the breath come in.

A beautiful deep breath perhaps for a start. A simple sweet refresher. A reminder of being alive and in the present. Enjoying the beauty of the present erasing the suffering of the bygone past and the dreams of an unknown tomorrow. A simple silent breath is all it takes. There’s one and two and three……air goes in and comes out….slowly, simply and happily. Just focus on it. I know it’s going to be hard. But so is everything in life that’s really worth it. It is hard to get good grades. And it is hard to get a good job. And it is hard to just survive in this ever moving fast world. But like anything else this is really worth it. And maybe more so.

Let the breath flow and energize the life in you. Slowly, simply, silently.......and just as easily as you breathe every day. But this time with your mind and soul focussed on it.

And leave the rest to nature. Somewhere slowly the clouds will start to move. But mind you, your mind has to just focus of the breath. Not on anything else. Just that beautiful breath in all its glory. Celebrate it. Enjoy it. Taste it. Kiss it. And life will kiss you back. The Light will shine through. Just as the dark clouds which made your eyes rain tears will start going away, a new dawn will shine inside the horizons of your soul. A ray and one more till theres bright sunshine. The night of your fears gone forever and you bask in the warmth of the glorious morning.

Love and Peace to all.

The Search

2011-03-16T20:25:00.001-07:00

He sits still

His eyes closed

He doesn’t speak

But His voices echoes through souls

I am wandering

I am lost

I am searching in vain

For a happiness that doesn’t last

And

He sits still

His eyes closed

He doesn’t speak

But His voice echoes through souls

I laugh and cry

As days keep going by

Sometimes I am on a low

Sometimes on a high

But

He sits still

His eyes closed

He doesn’t speak

But His voice echoes through souls

One day that voice

Calls out to me

I hear a faint whisper

From a place deep within me

It is my time now

To stop this endless search

It is my time now

To let the journey start

From joy and mirth

To everlasting happiness

Deep in the heart

And

I sit still

I close my eyes

I don’t speak

I hear His voice

Truth wins over all lies

Winter I Love

2010-12-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

Winter I love

You make summer seem worthy

Winter I love

A white blessing from Thee

Winter I love

Thy unmatched simplicity

Winter I love

Life fulfilling mother nature’s duty

Winter I love

Cold winds with a twist of hot chocolate

Winter I love

Grey colored skies with snow’s purest droplet

Winter I love

The way you hide all green

Winter I love

After which nature emerges out like a fairy queen

Winter I love

Thou should be loved more

Winter I love

The rule of life’s eternal changing cycles you show

An Expression of Love

2010-09-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

She was never loved by anyone. All failed to see the beauty of her smile, her shining eyes, her long gone youth and her amazing serenity. They all failed to see her in fact. Living with a heartless husband for the past 50 years Samyukta expected nothing great out of life anymore. She was satisfied to be a grandmother of a healthy young bunch, a proud mother of three children happily married into their lives. She didn’t disturb their peace just as she had never disturbed anyone’s.

She demanded nothing. Only gave. As much as she could. Youth had blossomed long back and gone with the many beautiful springs. But her life continued the same. She was an ideal daughter who gave to her family, an ideal wife who gave to her husband and an ideal mother who gave to her children.

Even now she gave as she served her sick husband in his death bed, with kindness compassion and patience and a strange kind of sadness. The house would be empty without him. No more screaming at her, no more stinging remarks, no more fear of his fury. To another it might seem like relief but strangely enough she was so used to this that she didn’t know what life would be like without him. Anyways she wasn’t thinking of that today. Today’s duties were to get the pain killers from doctor sahib’s clinic. No medication would work anymore and it was only painkillers that were left. She prayed as she entered sahib’s clinic hoping this would provide some relief to the dying man in extreme pain. “Mrs. Rao, please come in.” A kind voice beckoned her in. The doctor’s eyes were so kind it almost moved her to tears. He knew the pain the family was in and he had been as sweet as he could to help out. “Mrs. Rao why did you come yourself? You should have called me. I would have sent Vijay over. He could have gotten the medicines to your house.” “Thank you so much doctor but I just felt why trouble you. Anyways we owe you so much already. You have been more than kind to us.” Tears glistened from nowhere in her eyes. So used to a harsh life, the slightest bit of affection would move her deep inside.

Samyukta born to a rich merchant was the youngest of four children. Her mother had died shortly after her birth and she was raised by a busy father who had little time for her and a phlegmatic step mother who didn’t care to show any love to her step kids. Marriage had seemed like a beautiful new beginning but it just turned out to be a way into another hell. In the early 50’s in a small town in India Samyukta’s future could only be shaped by the fate of how good her husband would be. It was a lottery system. And they picked Aditya Rao, a handsome rich bachelor from a family matching hers. She remembered taking a sneek peek from behind the curtains at the handsome stranger she was going to marry. She had given him her heart even before seeing him. But she was in for a rude awakening. With money and beauty Aditya also had a temper which could raise hell.

She was suddenly shaken out of the moment. The memory of her husband screaming at home set her running back. She said a hurried Namaste to the doctor and made her way back to the house. The kids had been wanting to help out. But how long could they stay? After all they too had their lives to be worked out. She had insisted that they would be fine and she would call for help when needed. But today suddenly she felt weak. There was something about the color of the sky. The dark clouds had gathered over to feed the thirsty earth and something about their color seemed like a bad omen to her. She hurried her steps back home not caring about the red mud sticking to her white saree. She had sneaked out to get the medicines as her husband slept. This had become a daily ritual to get all her chores done as he rested and then to rush back to him. To the screams of pain and anger at the pain which he directed at her. But today as she stepped inside the house it was still quiet and she felt the same twinge of fear lurking inside. She went in tiptoeing so she wouldn’t disturb him had he been sleeping. After all it was so hard for him to sleep these days inspite of all the medication and she hated to wake him up by mistake.

Surprisingly enough, he was awake she noticed. And he wasn’t screaming or angry, instead she saw small salt water ponds making their way from his eyes to the embroidered bed sheet. “Smayu!” he said in a tone very unlike him. “Come here please.” She followed his direction and sat besides him on the ground like she usually did. No no he said with a motion of his head and patted his hand on the bed beside him. She was shocked but too obedient to ask, she did just as told. Today was really different. He held her hand. “Ji” she said with respect. “I will get you the medicine.” “No no forget about it.” he said “It wont help anymore. I was waiting for you. For you to come back. I had to say something. I have been a fool Samyu. A bigger fool than ever. It took me so long to realize the treasure I had. To realize your worth. I troubled you so much. Forgive me Samyu. Please forgive me.” “Ji please don’t say such things. I hold nothing against you. Please don’t worry about anything. It doesn’t matter.” “No it does, I never made life easy for you. I never appreciated you. Maybe it is the pain of death or this disease. But today Samyu I wanted to tell you one thing. Please forgive me. I was a fool. And I only realize it now when nothing can be done. But I wanted to tell you one thing. That no matter what I did in my strange way I always loved you. From the time I saw your feet behind the curtain when you were trying to see me years ago. I fell in love with you at that moment. I was stupid and never expressed it but I love you Samyu.” He couldn’t hold his breath longer. Blood splurged out from his deep coughs until he closed his eyes on her lap. She held his hand as he entered another world. Just as they held hands the day they married.

And today for the first time in life Samyukta felt the taste of love. As the rain fell on the dry earth and fulfilled her thirst, Samyukta’s life was fulfilled. A fresh scent from wet mud pervaded the room as silence reined the quiet evening.

My Angel

2010-09-17T08:02:00.001-07:00

I still remember that day. The murky smells of the hospital air, the gloomy dark walls, the serious faces of everyone looking at me, the sad gravity of the situation and most of all I remember her. She fighting her tears trying to be strong. Staring at me with her big brown eyes. Those were the eyes I fell in love with.

But here were testing times. I was here with the fight for my life. Struggling against time. Against fire. Against the remnants of what fire left of me rather. I don’t remember much after that. The endless surgeries, the numbing pain and the uncertainties all seem to be distant memories I can view through a thick haze of anesthesia. All I remember vividly is her. The caring touch which didn’t hurt burnt skin. The balm of love which penetrated through the mass of the body into something deeper. We weren’t married then. In fact we had just met. A little courtship , a little flirtation, a few dates but here she was, standing by me in my worst times. And Oh God something good I must have done for sure to get her. I had never believed in God, in religion, in a higher powers judging me. I lived by the judgment of my own will to decide what’s right or wrong. But now I did. Cause finding her was a miracle on its own.
It was a balmy spring evening when she sat by my side. Both of us looking at the beauty outside. Each lost in our own thoughts of each other. The pink skies touched the city skyline. And I asked her what had been in my mind for so long. “ But I don’t understand one thing. You could have found someone so much better. More successful, much better looking. Look at me now! All scars and nothing else. Why do you still want to marry me ? I wouldn’t have blamed you if you wanted to see a much better face, a much better partner. You can move on. You can find someone better for you. I am not capable of providing all that someone else can.” And she smiled silently. Her big brown eyes with a faraway glance. “ But where would I find a heart which jumps into a building on fire to rescue a child? I don’t see the scars, I see that heart.”

I knew then why I had fallen in love with those big brown eyes. They were the eyes of an angel. My personal angel.

Life is Strange

2010-06-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

Aren’t you the one? Said she

Pretty and demure in blue

Life is strange you see

That day i had no clue

It was a simple bus ride indeed

An ordinary day beautiful and green

A routine of everyday you see

Until she came to me

The delectable fairy queen

She said she knew me from before

A life far and unheard heretofore

She claimed to be you see

My lost soul mate from eternity

I looked again at her eyes

The look of an angel from a lost paradise

I was a little shocked you see

That she would feel this way for me

An ordinary man

With an ordinary life

A simple day

In an endless strife

And suddenly came along a beauty

Questioning all my sense of duty

It was new for me you see

To be in a pretty belle’s company

She kept saying she dreamed of me

Every single day and night

She was surprised herself you see

To find a face from the shadows of her mind

The intensity of her words hit me now

I realized maybe she wasn’t lying somehow

Her innocent clarity made me feel you see

That I was meant to her destiny

It’s been 20 years from that day

When I met my wife in a sudden sway

But it still surprises me you see

The simple truth of how strange life can be

Ross & Kay

2010-06-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

It was another world

It was another time

When they met in the never ending line

Both were young

Both were gay

It was just another wintry day

His eyes met her

In a sudden silent spur

The heart skipped a beat

His body felt sudden heat

Life took a big leap

As love struck him down deep

She seemed unaware

Demure and pretty fair

He had to literally stop time

And he ran up to her in the long line

Sparks flew across

As he said my name is Ross

She smiled sweet and shy

Oh for that he could just die

This is how it all started

The love that never parted

And just another wintry day

Became the anniversary of Ross and Kay

In the Silence

2010-03-26T19:04:00.001-07:00

In the silence

I discovered the storms in my mind

In the silence

I heard the voice most unkind

In the silence

I saw the starlight

In the silence

I faced the lonely cold night

In the silence

I discovered the chords of peace

In the silence

I heard mother nature speak

In the silence

I saw life fold unfold

In the silence

I saw the true worth of gold

In the silence

I saw many mysteries unravel

In the silence

I let my heart travel

In the silence

I saw the true light

In the silence

I rested peacefully at midnight

Illusions

2010-03-13T12:10:00.001-08:00

Living an illusion

A dream

With you happy and me happy

And between us flows this steady stream

Living a fantasy

A dream

With you smiling and me smiling

And between us flows this steady stream

Living a miracle

A dream

With you at peace and me at peace

And between us flows this steady stream

Living reality

A sudden scream

With you waking up and me waking up

And between us flows this steady stream

Dreams are Dreams

2010-03-13T12:09:00.000-08:00

This was my dream

And it happened one day

When you came and told me

What I waited to say

I didn’t know this love would even exist

When I gave you my last parting kiss

And now I see my fantasies come true

With you here

Saying to me this day

That you love me and I love you

This was my dream

And it happened one day

When you came and told me

What I waited to say

I didn’t know that fairytales were true

When I was so lost and I left you

And now I see that love may prove

That all the crap we read

Did really brew

This was my dream

And it happened one day

When you came and told me

What I waited to say

I didn’t know that time would go away

When I flew far and went with the sway

And now I see that the doors are closed

That all the chains hold me

And in cage of gold

This was my dream

And it happened one day

When you came and told me

What I waited to say

On Pain

2010-03-13T12:08:00.001-08:00

It pains so much

As I bleed inside

The wound aint seen

But it hurts a lot

Beneath my hide

I feel the lump

Down in my throat

I am going down

Can no more float

It pains so much

As I bleed inside

The wound aint seen

But it hurts a lot

Beneath my hide

I hear you cry

And tears fall from my eyes

I cant live this anymore

No more lies

It pains so much

As I bleed inside

The wound aint seen

But it hurts a lot

Beneath my hide

Your sharp pain

Makes my emotions drain

I feel the pouring

From the crying rain

It pains so much

As I bleed inside

The wound aint seen

But it hurts a lot

Beneath my hide

A sudden moment

2010-02-27T10:09:00.001-08:00

From the skipping of a beat

To a warm feeling in my heart

To a bittersweet softness

Till finally we part

Will you love me after we die?

Will you still miss me and cry?

Is this love

Cause I am flying

High up in the wild sky

Were we always meant to be?

This day I waited to see

I feel so complete in your arms

Fulfilled in my true glory

Once in your life

2010-02-27T10:08:00.001-08:00